Standing Poses at the Trestle, 1998
I used to be so good practicing the asanas. I was so disciplined. I look at this girl now and wish I could talk to her.
I wish I could remember more of how I felt.
A few times a year, we would have photo days, where I'd have to perform my yoga practice at the highest level to document my progress. My father would send the photographs to BKS Iyengar in India, where he would annotate them with directions and adjustments, and mail them back for us to use as reference.
Samskara: Bodywork
Photographer: sara swaty
Exhibit Title: Samskara: Bodywork
Location: United States
Samskara is a self-portrait project that documents physical and mental progress on my journey rehabilitating a chronic lifelong disability: my left knee is unable to bend greater than 15 degrees since birth. While the project began as data collection, it evolved into connecting with a part of myself that used to only bring me pain. Through exploring holistic treatments, I've begun to connect the way physical trauma impacts the psyche and creates tangible emotional blocks within the body.
Knees are one of the weakest and most vulnerable parts of human anatomy. Despite their important function of stabilizing the entire body, they are ill designed for the task.My left knee is a medical enigma, unable to bend more than ~15-30 degrees (on average) since birth, and as a result, has formed abnormally with limited function.I have spent decades navigating the health care industry looking for solutions, answers, ways to heal, and how to maintain mobility to avoid worsening health conditions. While surgeons were quick to recommend brutal surgeries, the severe side effects and risks were too great to disregard.
Although no medical solutions were available to gift me the physical freedom I always longed for, my father's expertise in therapeutic Iyengar yoga gave me the tools to adapt. From the age of two years old, I had a regimented 2 hour long yoga practice in my father’s St. Louis studio every morning before school. However, when I became a teenager, I was quick to abandon the demanding work.
After over 10 years of neglect, I had to face the task of demystifying my body and explore different treatments, alone. My knee was alien to me, obscured and emaciated, atrophying into numbness and needles. I cried every time my leg trembled, the reaction of dormant muscles awakening. Defeat echoed in my mind when thoughts drifted to the future, leaving me immobile with terror.
Now, I chase the shaking sensation, urging new pathways to re-awaken and function how they were intended. Within the process, there is unrelenting regret, tears, indignity, and loneliness—but there are also moments of ecstatic elation, joy, and love with the smallest gains. While the project began as data collection and a way to distract myself from the pain, it evolved into connecting with a part of myself that used to torment me with shame, fear, and self loathing.
This therapeutic self-portrait series examines the impact physical complexities have on identity and self-image. My body is in a continuous state of negotiating private and public perceptions: what others see, and the way I see myself. Through exploring holistic treatments like Ayurvedic remedies, acupuncture, different massage techniques, and trauma-based EMDR therapy, I've connected how physical trauma impacts the psyche and creates tangible emotional blocks within the body.
www.Sara-Swaty.com
Saraswatyphoto@gmail.com
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